Tilarna!
What's your problem?
Kei, what's wrong with Kuroi?
You let her in, didn't you? You know I'm allergic to cats!
Okay, let me ask you then. Are you having trouble breathing?
You don't have that "allergy" anymore.
When you were at death's door on that roof,
I had extra elixir so I fixed it for you.
You fixed it?
No, wait. That case was over a month ago!
It was, yes.
You never told me?
When I was wearing a mask every night!
It was pretty funny to watch.
You told me it was fine last week!
The consulate's vouched for her.
Hang on. That's racial discrimination.
Are you listening?
Who were you talking to?
A real estate agent.
I'm looking for a place for you.
I'm more than happy with the one I've got now.
Well, I'm not happy! You freeloader!
I'm doing this for your sake--
All emergency vehicles.
Signal 32. A vehicle fled after being stopped by police.
It's a white truck. One Semanian male.
Code 3, head to the scene immediately.
Hey...
He's gonna pay for that!
No more! Just kill me!
The window's right there! Jump out if you want to!
Yes!
Watch the car.
He's not here.
Shit.
Can you move this car?
Sergeant Kei Matoba. With the Special Vice Squad.
Hello there.
Man, you sure made a mess.
Where's the perp?
He split.
What is all this?
Porn.
Supposedly it was stolen from some warehouse...
And it's all porn magazines?
Legal porn.
Nothing about it seems especially strange.
Oh, but this one's pretty hardcore.
Which one?
This one.
No, that's normal.
You think?
But you could never ask your girlfriend to do this.
You've got a boring girlfriend.
I do not. She's normal!
--No, she's definitely boring. --Kei!
Um... What's up?
They told me to move it, so I moved it.
Move what?
The car.
You can drive?
I've been practicing in secret.
If you just want to move it a little, it's easy--
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Doreany machines sure do burn!
Can you two guess what I'm feeling right now?
You look like you feel sick.
I'm pissed! Do you know why?
Because you're a pair of dumbass wannabe cowboys!
I've been getting complaints all day thanks to your little car chase stunt!
And not only that, they're telling me we have to take the case!
Now I have to spend resources
to investigate a bunch of porn that could only turn on a middle school kid!
Do you understand my anger?
Do you?
Well? Tell me?
Then what happens to my car?
I kept asking for a car for undercover missions, and you kept ignoring me!
So I had to use my own damn car!
And look what happened!
You paired me up with this alien,
and then I took my eyes off her for a second...
And she... she left me!
Matoba?
She was such a good car!
She was a great partner, always there for me when things got rough!
And now... and now...
Don't get so down.
Shut up! You wrecked her, you alien!
That's racist, Kei.
Take that back now, or--
Or you'll what?
Kill me too?
Fine, kill me! Just like you killed her!
Throw me in front of a truck!
Then you'll be satisfied right? You murderer!
Matoba, calm down!
I'm sorry! So don't cry!
I'm not crying!
You pretty much are!
I'll try to find you a new car, so calm down!
Really?
There's a police auction coming up!
If there's a good car, I'll see if I can't get it for you!
That's what I wanted to hear, Chief!
It's so wonderful when you've got a good boss!
You're like a little kid begging for a toy.
Anyway, you're in charge of this porn theft case!
It's dumb as hell, but a crime's a crime!
You can ask someone for help if you want.
And Exedilica.
Go get a damn license.
License?
Yeah. A driver's license.
Honestly, I don't know why anybody would give you a driver's license.
It's like giving Jeffrey Dahmer a license to kill.
Who's that?
Google it.
Anyway, we need to get started on this porn thing...
Kei, I have a question.
What?
What is "porn"?
This.
In addition to drugs and guns, we also handle prostitution and porno.
That magazine's not illegal...
Th-This is so...
...indecent!
I can't believe it!
You really are barbarians!
You're all crazy!
Huh?
Your mom and dad did this stuff!
You're lying!
How dare you insult my mother and father!
That's going too far, even for you!
My mother... my mother...
Would never... would never...
Fine, fine.
Then you divided from them, like bacteria.
I think if anything, it makes more sense than the alternative.
Y-You okay?
This... can't be...
Come to think of it, your world doesn't have a lot of photographs, does it?
I guess porn would be a big shock.
Cammy, you busy?
I'm not helping you look for porn.
Jamie, I was hoping you could help me with something...
Sorry, Kei, I need to turn in some paperwork.
I see.
Of course.
Oh, Tony!
You're looking as handsome as ever!
Love the tie!
Oh, thanks.
I spent 30 minutes picking it out.
That's very kind of you.
But you know, that's kind of a creepy greeting.
You think?
Anyway, I was hoping I could get your help...
Kei is the absolute worst!
Porn magazine theft?
Sure it's not a bunch of 12-year-olds?
Probably intended for Leto Semani.
If they could smuggle them there, they'd make a fortune.
Most people there don't even have TVs.
Men in every country are idiots!
What do you want?
We're ruled by our genitals.
And there we go. It's from O'neill.
That was fast.
They're close. Hit it.
You look upset.
Of course I am.
I hate being McCloud.
It's the worst.
I kind of like him.
Transformation complete.
Good luck in there, Detective McCloud.
Shut up. Or do you need me to put a bullet into you?
I'll take a photo to send to your boyfriend.
Stop it! Hey!
I was just kidding. We're here.
Shut up and introduce me to this little thief.
Detective McBee,
or are you McCloud now?
I did what you asked
and checked if any of my flock were looking to sell some porn.
On social networking?
On social networking.
People respond fast.
See? Over there.
Hey, who are you?
I didn't say you could sit here!
Stop looking over your damn shoulder.
You're the fence.
Give me your name.
G-Gavin.
I'm McCloud. That's Ivanov.
We don't do handshakes.
Now let's talk business.
O-Okay.
I'm in a hurry to sell it.
I want proof you've got the money.
Are you telling me you think I'm broke, kid?
I've been in this business since you were sucking on your mom's tits.
Don't get on my bad side.
I-I'm sorry. I'm in a hurry, that's all...
I'm a nice guy, you know.
But my partner isn't.
A week ago, he got in a fight with some moron thug,
and ended up eating his eyeballs!
You don't want your eyeballs eaten, do you?
Um, sorry...
We're here for work!
Anyway, let's see the goods.
This is it!
Earth has porn everywhere!
But our world doesn't. Even photos are still rare.
So that's where we got the idea!
A while back, some nobles there paid a ton for nudes of Miss July!
Enough to buy a manor!
I want to live a good life too, you know?
Porn mags, huh?
I got the biggest boner for Miss July, too.
Really? You know her!
Sure do!
Those boobs were the best, huh?
I pitched the biggest tent!
"Miss July"? Yuck!
That was awful!
"Boobs"? "Boners"? I want to throw up!
That's not what making love is about, you know?
What's important is having two hearts connect!
The more you hate it, the closer your acting gets to perfection.
It's ironic.
I want to quit.
Don't say that.
We've got our next step.
I need some sugar.
Head to the donut shop.
As you wish.
Fine. Get it set up.
Bye.
Let's head home.
I'm meeting Cecil tonight.
Cecil?
Matoba.
Is this...?
It's in the parking lot. Take a look.
Wow!
I liked your old car better. It was cuter.
I'm taking it for a drive.
You're going to see Cecil, right?
Bye!
Okay, press the pedal down slowly.
Okay.
Just like that.
Now, gentle on the brakes.
Turn right...
That's too far!
Sorry!
It's fine.
Something bothering you?
You could practice driving with Kei, right?
I was a little surprised you came to me.
It's not really bothering me...
No, you're right.
I heard you were a friend that Kei trusted, so...
A friend he trusts, huh?
Am I wrong?
He and I were lovers.
Hey!
S-Sorry! But...
You and Kei?
Surprised?
Is that what an "ex" is?
But I didn't think I was talking about us as men and women...
Yes, you're talking about work partners, right?
Yes, that's right!
Don't worry, then.
If he really doesn't like someone, he shows them no mercy.
Tilarna. Do you like him?
What kind of question is that?
Do you hate him, then?
No, that's not true...
But... I really don't know.
Um... I just want him to see me as an equal.
That's why I'm practicing driving.
I actually feel really bad about it...
Wrecking the car he loved...
You two are like brother and sister.
Brother and sister?
A strong-willed little sister and her brother.
Oh, yeah. That might be it.
Don't tell him I told you this,
but he lost his sister
about ten years ago.
She was a really lively girl, I heard.
Maybe he sees some of her in you.
He never said anything about that.
You're late, Kei.
Sorry, I've been riding her hard all night.
Seriously? That's ridiculous...
Okay, everybody!
It's almost time for that gang of thieves to get here.
I need you all to provide backup.
How'd it go with Cecil?
Shut up. We're on the clock.
The target's here. Everybody stay on standby.
Okay, looking good.
Wait, wait!
Looks like somebody betrayed somebody. He's agitated.
Not good! All units, head in!
Go! Go! Go!
--Don't move! This is the police!
--Shit! --Don't move! This is the police!
You bastard!
No! You'll shoot the hostage!
They got away! Tony's in danger!
I'm sorry, Detective!
Shit! My eyes!
Leave it to me.
Tilarna?
Come on! We're saving Tony, right?
Wait! What are you doing?
Let's go!
It's in reverse! Reverse!
This is what I meant to do!
Wrong lane! You're in the wrong lane!
I'm starting to get it!
This "speed" stuff isn't bad...
This is what it feels like to be high!
No more! Just kill me!
The window's right there! Jump out if you want to!
Got 'em!
No! Stop it!
Shit!
Hey, Tilarna...
Tony, you okay?
Sorry. I didn't expect trouble like this.
It's fine. Just relax a bit.
Now then...
Fortunately, nobody died.
But never drive like that again.
But I was useful!
That was "useful"? Don't be ridi--
Don't treat me like baggage!
I don't just mean driving.
I'm studying every day.
If you won't understand that, who will?
I'm sorry.
I went a little too far before.
I don't think you're useless.
Really?
Yeah.
Really, really?
Really.
Forget about the banged-up car.
The new one's repairable, probably.
Once it's out of the shop, I'll practice with you.
Really?
Don't get so excited.
But promise me that next time you'll drive safe--
The damage seems to have gotten a bit worse.
But it's still fixable, right?
Like hell it's fixable, you goddamn alien!
I'm back...
Kuroi! Hello!
You're finally home, huh?
I had to deal with the aftermath of that car chase,
and then got in an argument with the real estate guy about your new place...
What are you doing?
Welcoming you to my home. This way.
Well?
From now on, this is my room.
You're the second guest I've had, after Kuroi.
You should feel honored.
This is my house, actually.
Don't worry about it. It doesn't bother me.
Sheesh...
What? Are you still mad about that silly car?
It's not sil--
No, it's gone and it's not coming back.
I'm not mad anymore.
I see!
Okay then!
"Next time" Next time on COP CRAFT.